Hurting

The past 2 weeks of my life..have sucked. Completely. And now I have this sick thing going on where I might-as-well be hooked up on billions of tubes in a hospital somewhere. It hurts to move my neck, my nose is stuffed up and runny at the same time, I have a headache that comes and goes, I can't eat because it makes me feel nauseous and that's probably not helping the headache..ugh. I have to pull an extra hundred dollars from somewhere to cover part of some other chicks rent that I don't even know. I have to find a new job. Plus, I have to watch my niece this week and finsh moving stuff at the same time. And through all of this I'm so alone and somehow I'm hurting people and I don't know how. I guess I just have a talent for it. I wish I was dead. Why did I give my blade to my Dad? When I need it most, it's gone. And it's making me sick to my stomach knowing that I hurt one of the people closest to me unintentionally. I don't even deserve to be alive. Why hasn't someone killed me yet? I guess I'll just have to do it myself.