Ok. So here's the deal. I got a call from my sister, Becky like 15 minutes ago. She's at work. She tells me my mother has fallen out of her chair & is alone at the house with my 2yo niece. She then proceeds to ask me if I can call, see if she's gotten up yet, and if not, if I could go over & help her up. I said sure, even though I'm at my boyfriend's house, 45 minutes away.
I call my mother to see if she's ok and if she's gotten up. She says she's just laying on the floor and my niece is laying on top of her. My exact words were "So in other words, I need to come over." Ya know, just, not rude, just like in a "well, I'm coming over then" type way. She tells me I don't have to and I tell her I'm not going to let her lay on the ground with my niece for another 3 hours until Becky gets off work and gets home and that I'm going to come over. What does she say? "Well, you're not gonna be of much help, I don't know what you're gonna be able to do." What the fuck.This is exactly why we don't fuckin get along. Here I am, offering my services, not only as her daughter, but as a good person, from 45 minutes away that would require me to drag myself away from a warm bed, and make my boyfriend drive me all the way over, wait for me, and drive us all the way back. Did I miss something?? I'm a good fucking person! What the hell. I've done a lot of shit in my life, but none that would require being treated like dirt THIS BADLY as a consequence.
Is it not enough to offer help out of love, respect, compassion, & sympathy? Am I a bad person?? And the thing is, this NEVER gets old for her! Apparently, I will never be a real daughter or one that deserves any type of respect or love and honestly, I don't know why she even bothers talking to me anymore. Am I THAT BAD of a person that you don't want me living under your roof OR offering to help you up when you've fallen? I mean, what the fuck?! I do NOT deserve to be treated like this!
And to put the cherry on top of it all, we all know how incredibly HIGH my self-worth, self-confidence, and everything in between are. So that put a decent sized, "chip" in the scale of how much I'm worth and appreciated.
In all honesty, a part of me wants to take a bottle of tequila and cough syrup to the head and then proceed to slit my wrists in front of her. Bet she wouldn't even twitch.
Fortunately, I got a hold of my oldest sister Jen, who only lives 5 minutes from my mom's house and convinced her to go over and deal with her, after Jen tried to accuse me of just not wanting to "drag myself away from my boyfriend." What a load of bullshit. This is how highly my family thinks of me. Awesome, right?
On the one brighter note of my life, at least my boyfriend is here for me, loves me, respects me, and sees my worth even when I don't. Without him, I'd probably be dead right now. But fortunately, right now all I have after this conversation is a headache, a crick in my neck/shoulder, and an overactive heater inside my body.
Here's to the love that families share from day to day and the great appreciation they hold for one another.
