Diary Confessional

Dear Diary,
I was mistaken; wrong. I thought life was getting better and that I could start creating myself in a new light. As soon as I started the process, everything went horribly wrong. I was losing weight, I was beautiful, I was stronger. This is not life I EVER dreamed of. I mean, I have a boyfriend, but what does that mean anymore? What do we have? I said I wanted something real..something real..how do you define real? I don't even know what real is anymore. Nothing's real anymore. Does that mean the relationship is a fake? Just a filler in my time schedule? Am I even real anymore? Who am I? Where has life gone? Where has it taken me? I thought I knew what was right. I thought I knew the world, the people around me. I thought for just a second that maybe I was wanted, needed, loved, cared for. Once again I was wrong. Does this even make sense? Does it make sense for me to be crying right now? Am I allowed to cry, am I supposed to? I can't take this anymore..there were 3 things in the past that I could always count on.. I think it's time for a make a blast to the past...