Worth the Silence

I have so much I wanna tell you. Honestly? There's so much inside my head that needs to be said but doesn't want to be said. The truth is, I don't know. I don't know ANYTHING. I wish I did but I don't. And you're just gonna have to be okay with that. Nothing means anything to me. Not anymore. I'd also like to say that I don't wanna tell you. I don't. I'm not gonna lie. I just don't. It's been a long hard road, but you've gotta understand that I'm a safe, a vault. And even in time you may not break me or get me to open up. And I know that if you have things to tell people, you should tell them because you may not have the chance to tell them tomorrow, but still. I want to be able to speak my mind. I really wish I could, but the thoughts I keep inside are the horrible ones that cause pain or anger to you. Even writing it in a letter wouldn't do. It's like a monologue in my head day after day, minute after minute. It's not gone until you put it out there, tell your audience and voice it with real emotion to the person who you most need to express it to and make them understand. I'll admit I've been being fake, because I have been. But only to protect you, and our relationship. Sometimes I wonder if it's worth the silence...