One Word

Depression is back again. Funny how things work like that. One minute you're fine, the next you're reliving every horrible feeling ever in your life. But what triggers it? Sometimes it's obvious things like a death or a snide comment from a stranger or someone you know. But when it's a quick change, the flick of a switch, how do you see it coming? How do you prevent it? When nothing particular happens, how do you fix it? Answering those questions like, "What happened?" "How can I help?" "Why are you so sad?", suddenly brings a whole nother level of depression on because you don't know. You don't know why, and that makes you depressed that you can't pull yourself out of this and that you have no reason to even be feeling this way. Somehow I always come back to that. The times when you just don't know why you're so depressed and no one understands. It makes everything even worse. Those times when all you want is to be alone, but you can't. You're smiling watching your daughter slide and then all of the sudden you just get that feeling in the pit of your stomach and a cold chill takes over your body. Nothing is wrong, there was no trigger, just a sudden depression; for no reason. Is there any way to feel normal? Music makes it worse, but it makes you feel better to cry. So many questions; most of them beginning with one word- how.