Now

I'm so angry. Everything around me is spinning and my thoughts won't shut up. I thought I'd never have to do this again. I thought it was over. I thought I had it under control. How is it that within 48 hours I haven't been able to calm down at all? This is ridiculous. I feel out of control. I feel nauseous and like someone's stabbing me in the side. I have a headache that won't let up and the pain just keeps getting worse. I got to a point where I almost broke down in tears today...now that I'm alone..kinda, I couldn't cry if I was run over by a stampede of elephants. Everything is mixed and jumbled and nowhere near sanity. Right now, I'm curled up in a ball with my head spinning and random black outs. I can't sleep, but I NEED to sleep. I don't know what's wrong with me. Why can't I just be dead?